I don't know how to say things when I need to most.
and I don't know how to tell you of this past I wish with every bit of my soul wasn't there.
I know you want to know, but I don't know how to say it.

some days I think the thing I'm best at is keeping my silence.

although my poems often speak volumes.....

The Love I Know

The Love I Know

He pulls me close
and promises to protect
         me
from the world.

He strokes my hair
and tells me that he
loves
      me.

But then in an
       instant
this violent temper takes over
and the man
         I love
disappears behind
an angry monster.

where does he go?

He beats me down
time after time
without a single
            
           hesitation

only an afterthought.

Then he comes to me
with his lip service
      apologies
and begs me to come
back.

 And somehow I
always
limp back
into his open arms,
stupidly,
      maybe

but I always come
back.

Because I like it
when he pulls me
close 
and promises to
protect
        me
 from the world.
When he strokes my hair
and tells me that he

 loves
       me.

implosion

I don't know what to do sometimes when I get angry. I'm afraid of being angry. it feels unsafe. I'm always stuck in the debate as to whether I swallow the anger and pain and just not say anything, or say something and risk hurting the other's feelings. I feel I'm not really allowed to be angry. I don't get angry that often but once angry it lingers. I feel tainted by it. Then I turn the anger inward and begin to destroy myself for having let anything bother me and for not always saying anything either. I implode because I'm so afraid of exploding. I hate this.