If I had a super power I'd make it healing, not just physical wounds, but more so emotional and spiritual ones too.
If only life could work like that even sometimes.
I am so torn up inside. Why does love not ever seem to be enough? Why does love too seem to cause such pain? Why is it that at times there is absolutely nothing you can do to help someone you care about, but simply be there? Why must there be such a sense of helplessness? Why is there nothing I can do or say that will make this better, even though I know in the end everyone will be ok, but I can't do anything right now in this moment, when I want nothing more than something that I can do? Why is all I can do simply, painfully, sit there with you in the uncertainty of it all, in the pain of it all? I know my words aren't enough. I know there's nothing really to be done. I know I can't make this go away. all I can do is be there. and it just doesn't feel like enough, but it's all I have.
oh the helplessness even though I maintain hope. It's humbling. and very human. and. so. damn. painful.
I was thinking earlier, before I knew of any of this impending sadness, that at times it feels as if all the pain over all the years has carved an-ever-deepening cavern in my soul, leaving ever-more room for me to fill with either joy or sorrow. perhaps optimally a bit of both. the past has made it possible for me to love more deeply, but also be more jaded. I need to be careful to allow more joy and let go of the pain. to not use it as an excuse to close up and cut off the world, to echo in the emptiness of it all. but to know that even through the worst of hell that I've known, I've somehow managed to come out the other side. each time I do, I have a bit more faith that I can make it through the next time. And considering we humans often live in self-fulfilling prophecies, believing you can or can't is a better indication of whether you will or won't than almost anything else. so I need to hold onto hope even in the darkest of nights. I wish I could give even a little of my belief, my knowledge, that you will make it through, no matter how bleak it may seem tonight.
and even when nothing else seemed to get through, I'd chant "this too shall pass. this too shall pass"
"When going through hell, keep going" - Winston Churchill
keep going.
this too shall pass
