so life is really weird. I can on one hand feel completely alone in the world and yet on the other be talking to someone on an emotionally intimate level about that feeling and if I had a third hand also pull out a poem in which I've been the other person and on the fourth remember that I fluxuate between this feeling of complete disconnect and total connection.

I know I'm not alone. I know there are people who care about me and like me for the person they see. But I still feel too weird or different.

and I still have the old belief that I will hurt everyone I care about in the end. That I am the cause of more problems than solutions, and thus I keep my distance and make sure they know they cannot depend on me. I feel damned. And that my love for people will only hurt them.

(sometimes I sound like a moody vampire with a soul...)