do you ever feel like the wind

gets knocked out of you

by something in your head

or perhaps, more accurately, your heart

by something you've never known consciously

but have always felt intimately

on the basic, core level of your being?

I can't explain this feeling

that often swells inside me

this overwhelming joy tempered

by an infinite sorrow

to be happy honestly makes me sad

as if happiness is a butterfly

in a violent storm

            no, not violent

a slow freezing night

that always, eventually, wins

the moments that the world is still and happy

blissful

are too far apart

too harsh against the bad

it's the happiness that feels harsh

like bright light to eyes

used to the dreary night.

… the wind being knocked out of me

and it's the breeze

the warm sweet-scented breeze

that my butterfly flies on

away from this cold inside

I used to wake up so early

in the morning

that it was still basically night

afraid of being inside any longer

afraid that I'd suffocate

in the fear and pain inside my room

and I'd climb out on the roof

to be safe in the breeze

to breathe again

only to find that feeling

that joy

that makes me sad

that knocks the wind out of me

because I know it

the peace

cannot last

will not last