so many times before

So many times before
have I found myself on these stairs
in the middle of the night
trying to decide 
whether it's worth going in.

So many times before
have I hesitated 
before opening the door
only to close it 
in a wave of uneasiness

So many times before
have I shivered
here in the darkness
debating whether or not
I can survive on the streets

So many times before
have I spent the whole night
on these cold cement steps
wondering if it'd be safer 
in there or out here

So many times before
have I been safe
no matter which I choose
no matter where
I spent the night

So many times before 
have I gotten the 
crap beaten out of me
sometimes from going inside
and others for not

So many times before
has this been 
a life altering decision
but not tonight
finally, not tonight...