silently screaming

Sometimes when things get too intense

And I am brought into the conflict

Between what I think or feel

And my worry of how you may react

I feel as if I’m a million miles away

In my head

Screaming

Absolutely screaming

Until I’m hoarse and exhausted and have nothing left

Screaming

All the while knowing no sound

Is escaping my lips

I get trapped in this frozen implosion

There is so much power

And energy

Coursing through my soul

But it all feels frozen

And stopped

And unseen

In these moments

I don’t know how to tell you what I need to

Without the destruction I fear will result

Without the pain I think will follow

I want you to know

Really know what’s going on

But I fear what may result

And fear you probably won’t understand anyway

I don’t know how to adequately express

These thoughts, these feelings

In a way that you will understand

And am not sure I can handle

Your reaction

I’m afraid of creating pain

In either of us

All the while aware

That in not being able to express myself

I am still inflicting pain in both of us

I don’t know what to do

Or how to do it

I want to be true to myself no matter what

But have as of yet not learned how

To express that when I get so weighed down

By your wants and demands

That I feel I am screaming without making a sound