if only

I curl into the nook of the couch

Wrapped tightly in a blanket

Trying so hard

To fight out the pain

The loneliness

Trying to give myself

That feeling of being held

Hoping that if I could give myself that

I wouldn’t need as much

As I do

If only I could make myself

Feel loved

Then I could have the courage

To wait

And truly love

And be loved

If only all this was

Working

If only a blanket could erase

The coldness in my heart

If only

If only