I don't know why I find myself thinking of you so much lately, but I do. I feel I too often pass up oppertunities to let people know how much I love them. and I do really love so many, and do not say it nearly enough. There are too many people in my life that I won't let close to me, not believing anyone could really love me if they knew who I really am. I miss too many chances to really know people; convinced I am too undeserving for their love. I miss you. and wish I had let you in.
Loving House
In a house
brimming with life
there in the back bedroom
is a loved one dying
we still laugh
still live, but a little quieter now
from the room
hushed voices are heard in the background
bright music is playing
the large window filled with sunlight
and in the comfy chair
sits the proud matriarch
there is a steady stream of visitors
and family filling the pauses
we are all together
taking care of the one
who has taken care
of us all
there is life here
in the house of the dying
and a love that will always be
------
Time
Time ticks by
slowly
yet too quickly
we don’t notice
as it slips away
but when we turn around
years have passed
this is how it’s been
with you
snapshots of time
strung together
to form a relationship
I remember…
Christmas cookies
being decorated
in red and green
The splish splash
the smell of chlorine
summers spent in fun
stretching of dough
spicing the meat
as we learn
how to make flat tires
running around
being superheroes
in freshly made yellow capes
bumpy, dirt road
watching from the back of the RV
on the way to the cottage
adventures in Florida
shuttle launches that never took off
and Disney world
little fingers
on keys of black and white
trying to teach piano
to would-be trombone players
learning how
to freshly press slacks
apparently I never got
the iron hot enough
The soft mechanical hum
as the needle moves up and down
trying to get the seam straight
knit pearl, knit pearl
patiently trying to teach
me how to make a hat
beautiful music
from an organ
that’s my grandma up there!
fluffy, mop of a dog
oh so happy
to see you
trips to town, the store
and church
always feeling so important
to be with you
Halloween
decorations and candy
out of a trunk?
the snapping of a deck of cards
as another hand is shuffled
and dealt
hours of fun
clicking and flipping of dominoes
even with the handicap
you always won
I remember
kindness
and unconditional love
you offered to always be there
if I needed to talk
I wish I had taken you up on that
I wish I had more snapshots
I wish I had more time
----
I stand by the board
Waiting
Patiently
Ok not so patiently
For the iron to heat up
I wait this time
Because in the last few months
Of my grandma’s life
She took the time
To teach me what she knew
She waited until I, her only granddaughter
Her only tomboy granddaughter
Wanted to learn to sew
To knit
To hem
To cook
To iron
And she was patient
Even as she ran out of time
I wish I remember more
But one of the few things
I do remember
Is you have to get the iron hot enough
And so I wait
And think of my grandma
And hope that one day I’ll pass it on
So she may live forever.
You were such a good person, who touched so many lives for the better, my only hope is when I come to die, I've helped even half as many people. Love you always
