implosion

I don't know what to do sometimes when I get angry. I'm afraid of being angry. it feels unsafe. I'm always stuck in the debate as to whether I swallow the anger and pain and just not say anything, or say something and risk hurting the other's feelings. I feel I'm not really allowed to be angry. I don't get angry that often but once angry it lingers. I feel tainted by it. Then I turn the anger inward and begin to destroy myself for having let anything bother me and for not always saying anything either. I implode because I'm so afraid of exploding. I hate this.